Letting go of your judgement liberates me.

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Letting go of your judgement liberates me.

Isn’t it funny that we do not openly admit minute things about ourselves because we are afraid of judgment? Even as adults, we often feel the urge to conceal our true desires, thoughts and opinions in front of others to be cool and belong. We are terribly afraid of judgement, alarmingly similar to our childhood years.

Only that now, as adults, judgement comes in different forms. Criticism is concealed with crooked smiles, comme il faut comments, hollow politeness and passive-aggressiveness. At least children will spit out their judging remarks then and there, right in your face. 

We are accustomed to criticising others, even for the smallest of things. Our ego is thirsty for confirmation by making others feel bad or subtly belittling them, even for a moment. And we are acclimated to staying silent and nodding affirmatively even when we disagree because we somehow repine for belonging. But is it really the right kind of belonging?

I have become more aware of what truly matters to me after creating my own family and, generally, growing up and self-reflecting while aspiring to improve some of my personality and lifestyle traits. I don’t need you to make me feel cool. Sure enough, confirmation from others is a nice feeling that warms my heart, but I cannot let it define my behaviour and actions.

I am happy to let go of the shameful feeling I experience every time someone might judge this or that about me because I don’t care anymore. I own my thoughts, sayings and actions and take full responsibility for them. I find it burdensome to pretend I like or prefer things I don’t truly do by espousing a foreign idea in order to be part of a work, social or family circle.

I am referring to all these seemingly inessential and trivial things about ourselves that others are quick to judge in a casual mode, but deep inside, the judgment hurts us and makes us self-conscious about our preferences and actions.  

• I have never stayed in a hostel and don’t think I will ever do.
• I am not a big fan of camping.
• I don’t like sharing food. Get your own.
• I like “moving the strings”, but it’s tiring. And I work on it.
• I prefer bars over clubs. 
• I prefer home gatherings over going out.
• I hate queuing up for a restaurant/coffee shop/club, or bar. I detest queues overall. Plenty of other options out there.
• I own a bicycle, but I am not a big bike-fun despite living in Berlin, where everyone cycles. I rather walk.
• I rarely buy second-hand clothes.
• I have second thoughts on recycling and so-called bio-products.
• I can’t stand crowds.
• I don’t like wishing cards. Just say it in person.

It is all the little things we feel shame to confess publicly. Because we think we need to adhere to other people’s expectations. Well, we don’t. And, oh my, how liberating this thought is.

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